I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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