Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
