They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
