Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
