he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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