we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
