I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
