"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
