Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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