Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
