I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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