Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
