so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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