even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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