I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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