dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
