life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
