I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
