Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
