I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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