Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
