i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
