So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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