JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
