He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
