So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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