I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And then my night got REAL pukey
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
