You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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