We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
