Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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