Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
