I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
