well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
