Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it's like heaven, but drunker
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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