I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
