he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
