so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
