just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I FOUND THE LEGS
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
