She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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