He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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