I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we made out on top of his cat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
