Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
