Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
