I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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