i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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