I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
