My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we're making bets on your personal life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
