So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
