The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
