I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she woke up with a sticky ear
smell my finger.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
