Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
